Top 10 slickguns for the Space Force
With Donald Trump authorizing a sixth branch of the United States military, tentatively called the Space Force, the meme machines have been on fire. While the truth is the space force is likely going to be a satellite fighting cybersecurity branch and not the Space Marines. However, we can all dream about a future of spreading democracy and freedom to the farthest reaches of Uranus.
10. LSAT Machine Gun
The thing about light machine guns is that they are rarely actually light. When you are comparing them to something like the Ma Deuce, they appear lightweight, but humping one isn’t always so. The LSAT though promises to weigh under 10 pounds and provide the same amount of firepower as a belt machine gun. When you are operating on low gravity terrain, you don’t want to fall behind on your tactical bouncing.
The LSAT machine gun uses caseless ammo that weighs 40% less than standard ammunition. Now as a former Machine Gunner I will say ammo weight is a significant concern, and you have to carry a lot of it. The LSAT has all the standard machine gun fair, like a quick change barrel, a vented fore-grip, and a 600 RPM rate of fire.
The LSAT is a powerhouse and will give your Space Squad a firepower edge against the bugs, the greys, and of course those lizard things. Belt fed greatness could be yours as long as you join the Space Force today.
9. IWI Tavor TS12
While the Ithaca 37 was handy for close encounters with CPL Hicks, I’d instead take the IWI TS12. Carrying 15 rounds of twelve gauge is a platform that’s only 28.34 inches long means CQB will be a party. The TS12 is also a semi-automatic platform and allows you to unleash hell at a moments notice. It’s perfect for creepy crawlies, Space Nazis, and of course crowd control outside the Newt Gingrich Moon Base.
The Tavor TS12 is also lefty friendly, and completely ambidextrous. With a wide variety of ammo options out there you can spice things up with frag rounds, flechettes, and good old standard buckshot. Let’s also not forget to point out it looks like the blaster from Starship Troopers and that’s good enough reason for me.
What other weapons would you want when breaching the hull of a Chinese Type 3 Cruiser?
8. FN P90
When it comes to sub guns, we could go on and on about the merits of the MP5, the UZI, and the CZ Scorpion. Let’s be real though, none of those guns served with Stargate Command. The FN P90 is made for space and interdimensional adventures. It punches through soft armor with ease, and the bullpup layout makes it ultra compact and lightweight.
When you’re going to bat inside attack ships off the shoulder of Orion you want something small and controllable. When the C beams are glittering in the dark off Tannhauser Gate you want a gun that can get the job done. The FN P90 is a well-proven platform, and its use of a top loading magazine gives you a beautiful and slim package.
The P90 is uniquely futuristic enough for bringing democracy to the far reaches of space and perfect for enforcing American dominance.
7. Sig Sauer P320
The Sig P320 has proven to be a reliable, accurate, and modular weapon that’s already going to be issued to the standard branches of the US Military. So why wouldn’t the Space Force be included?
I can say a lot about the SIG P320, but there is one big reason the Sig P320 is perfect for the Space Force.
The lack of gravity in space means if you drop the P320 it won’t hit the ground and fire. Space defeats the P320’s fatal flaw.
6. HK XM8
The HK XM8 seemed primed to replace the M16/M4 series here on earth before the program was canceled, but maybe it can serve the Space Force with gusto. As a modular platform, our boys in white can quickly convert their gun from a rifle to a PDW for fighting space pirates in the narrow hulls of spaceships or to a DMR rifle to deal with the extended ranges on the deserts of Mars. When firepower counts, the gun can be converted to an infantry automatic rifle for sustained fire.
Modularity and mission adaptability will be critical to the Space Force’s success. When you’re fighting across the stars it pays to be ready for anything. The XM8 can be outfitted with a grenade launcher, bipods, optics and more. With a 2018 update, we could see M-LOK slots, and ACOGs added.
The XM8 also fulfills one of the most critical factors of any Space Force rifle, and it looks cool. Looking cool is half the battle here folks, the other half is killing stuff. The XM8 is undoubtedly able to fulfill both those roles.
5. GyroJet Rifles and Pistols
I imagine the design of the Gyrojet rifles and pistols came to be when two buddies were kicking back, drinking a few beers and one says, “Yo man, imagine this, Rocket Bullets.” From there the magic happened, and we got the soon to fail Gyrojet pistol and rifles. These guns didn’t work for us mere earthlings, but could they be a successful Space Force gun?
Why not? They fire rockets, nearly silent rockets. They aren’t great at close range, but with today’s technology why can’t we have laser guided portable rocket small arms? The Gyrojet weapons would be perfect for the cull of space Communists and filthy alien scum at decent distances.
Imagine the different loads these mini rockets could carry. An explosive is an option. What about mini-tracking devices? Or even rubber rockets for when you need to set phasers to stun? They didn’t work on earth, but would a modern Gyrojet rifle and pistol combo be the perfect gun for the Space Force? Maybe…
4. Dardick Pistol
If there were a space force in the 1950s, the Dardick revolver/pistol/rifle would undoubtedly be its gun of choice. This gun is more confused than a college freshman with a new set of pronouns. The Dardick is technically a magazine fed revolver that could be converted into a rifle. The cylinder had three chambers that would be loaded via the magazine. The chambers spun and picked up the Dardick’s unique trounds.
The Dardick would then rotate the round to be fired, and as it turned a third time, the round would eject. To facilitate the operation of the gun the rounds were triangular, and the cases were plastic. Calibers included 38 Special, and adapters to utilize 22LR rimfire rounds.
The gun is easy to convert different calibers, and a carbine kit easily turns it into a rifle. The biggest issue outside of the proprietary ammo is the magazine is fixed. Swap it for a removable magazine, and bam we got us a modern space force blaster.
3. FN FS2000
Tuna memes aside the FN FS2000 was an excellent rifle that just never got the attention it deserved. This bullpup rifle does look like it stepped out the future with its ergonomic and super futuristic bullpup design. The gun iv admittedly a bit overtly blocky in design, but was a functional weapon, in fact, it’s likely the most functional weapon on this list.
The Tactical Tuna is outfitted with a 1.6x scope, feeds from your standard STANAG magazine, and even has an optional bayonet lug, you know, for those close encounters. The gun saw some limited adoption across the world and also ended up in the Libyan civil war as evidenced by the documentary Point and Shoot.
As a Space Force gun, its bullpup design makes it quite compact and perfect for navigating the small hallways of spaceships and the tight caves of Mars. The addition of a grenade launcher makes dealing with the bug threat a simple affair.
2. XM29 Objective Individual Combat Weapon
Before the XM8, we had the XM29, which turned the world on its head when it came to small arms design. Luckily, the Space Force isn’t on this world. Most of us are used to the idea of a grenade launcher underslung on a rifle, but the XM29 was a grenade launcher with an underslung gun.
The primary weapon of the XM29 was the semi-automatic 20mm grenade launcher with airburst option. The gun rocks a helluva advanced sight that had a laser rangefinder, a thermal night vision setting, and up to 6x power magnification. You can’t hide from this thing, and alien scum and space communists will quickly find an airburst grenade beats most options you have for cover.
When things get too close for comfort, the 5.56 rifle will quickly dispatch most threats. The gun is based after the G36 which is futuristic in its own right. The XM29 was killed too soon on earth, but maybe the needs of the Space Force can be addressed by something semi-auto in 20mm.
1. HK G11
Have you ever thought about making a clock deadly? Well someone did, and it became the G11 from HK. I know this weapon from the Syphon Filter series and of course weekendgunnit memes. The killer clock was well ahead of its time and utilized 4.6x33mm caseless ammunition.
The best way to describe how the ammo worked was they took a bullet and buried it in a block of explosive. The round itself was half the weight and 40% the size of a standard 5.56 round and was designed to be just as effective as the 5.56. The gun fed from a 90 round magazine that sat on top of the rifle.
The rifle did have some issues and was known to cook off rounds when the weapon got hot. However, space is a pretty cold place, so this issue may be mute. The ammunition is light and handy, so you can deal with wave after wave after alien threats with very little need to reload. The HK G11 may have been ahead of its time in the 1970s, 80s, and 90s, but it seems its right on time for the space force.
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So these are my top ten pics for the Space Force, and hopefully, they’ll listen to me. It’s doubtful, but C&R HK G11s would be sweet by 2050. If it keeps going this way, the ATF maybe creating a new Class 3 category, AOSWs, any other space weapon. If they do, you know, we’ll keep them in stock.
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